Several days ago, a friend of mine, who does research on topics in psychology, asked me if I can give my thoughts on “Love”? It occurred to me that it’s not really a general question so I was motivated to provide my views, as the subject matter clearly has no generic response. Basically, it’s just my own thoughts of the emotional effects about love. I’m pretty sure this is not in reference to the intimate physicality but more into the serious stuff about relationships. In the end, I put together, in a short time, a brief note… a laymen’s understanding, an idiosyncratic thesis, which would almost certainly draw criticisms and ridicule. Hopefully I am able to confuse everyone. This way, the next time anyone decides to give me some homework, they would have to think twice (smiles).
Two things come to my mind whenever the subject of “Love” is raised; First is, Sacrifice. Second, Passion. CG Jung once quoted as saying that, “Faith, hope, love, and insights are the highest achievements of human effort. They are found-given-by experience” …It probably means that “Love” is achieved by experience (or something to that effect).
Of course, experiencing “Love” is not something that comes by so easily to some people. But passion does. And funny thing about passion… It brings out the act of sacrifice in everyone. A selflessness gesture that may be hard to invoke. Every breathing moment in our lives, we are called upon to sacrifice matters which are usually beyond us, sometimes to do something beyond our means. And often, unknown to us, “Love” eventually comes into play. It creeps in when we least expected it. The beauty of it, they tests our resolve and character because frankly, this is what “Love” is about. Seeking the truth within us. We’ve heard about he ultimate sacrifice, which is usually seen as an act that only parents would commit for their child. That is of course a different kind of “Love”. Nonetheless, for “Love” to exist, there must be sacrifice. And meanwhile, there is really more about sacrifice than meets the eye.
The true worth of a sacrifice is the type that when you act upon, while the intended person does not know. Ultimately it is the kind that only you, yourself know its consequence and value. It is a “love” that cannot simply be uttered because to declare such affection would deem the sacrifice insignificant. An instigation by the illusion of “Love”. – Mat Atahari.
I believe that a sacrifice must come first in order to compel the “Love” reaction. I believe that it should NOT be the other way around. And it must come from within the depth of our soul. I would rather sacrifice something NOT out of love, but out of what that person I am sacrificing for, deserved it. The ‘needs’ should be justifiable than the ‘wants’. The need to be “Love” is imperative than wanting to be “Love”. When someone who has just walked a thousand miles to seek the “Love” of their life, that someone deserved to be loved, as the road can be filled with malice and punishment. The Passion, that exist in every soul defeats all obstacles.
And next comes Passion. Every human being has Passion. We found Passion in almost anything that we love to do. Some people are passionate in gardening, others, in the Arts. But people tend to get confused between Passion and “Love”. And this is where many relationships failed. I may not be an expert in relationship but I have spent many ups and down to know enough. So “Love” relationships are also about Passion. I hope my attempt to define “Love”, will elaborate why most people can get confused.
Being in love is so much different than being passionate about someone… And being in love is actually nothing, compared to being passionate about someone. And if the Passion does not exist, along with the obsession, then my assertion is accurate. How then, can you tell? When one is in love, it usually means that one feels infatuated or on many occasions feeling obsessed with the other person. When one is in love, usually one does things beyond comprehension. When you’re head over heels, you will become reckless. And your actions are usually not driven by sensibility. And for the name of “Love”, you’re suddenly able to put out the sun. Even symbolically, that’s quite impossible. However, when you’re passionate bout someone, you will tend to be cautious about everything that you do.
Take a sculptor, for example… The artist would take great care while creating a masterpiece. The sculptor knows what the finish product would and should look like even before work starts. A lot of research is being done to create a uniqueness in the product. With creativity, applied with the utmost professionalism. Thus ensuring top quality finish. And if something felt not right, the work is re-done. Not willing to compromise and surrender to mediocrity… And in order to do that, the sculptor sacrificed precious time, which is nothing less that the work deserved. And THAT is what passion means..! It simply overrides mad and hopeless love.
So imagine you are the sculptor in your relationship. There should really be no tests, only options, to choose from. If you make bad decisions, you have to track back to where it went wrong and perhaps reshape the path, in which you must sacrifice you time. You don’t want to settle for less. To make your “Love” worked, you want to be devoted but not overwhelmed. You want to be exceptional but not insurmountable. And finally you want to be flawless and not incomplete… And you will have your monument of “Love”.
So that is what “Love” really means to me. And Love is never easy because you can’t be right all the time. Taking chances is part of life. Like anything that you submit to, there is a chance that rejection can be the outcome. But of course, on the other hand, there the art of doing things. It’s really is a process that never stops until you know you have a masterpiece. Sacrifice and Passion are what every “Love” relationship should be built upon. And finally it’s also about instinct…. Be brave and persevere.
I wish you all good luck and God Bless.